It's ok not to be ok

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever written. So hard that it's taken me 4 years to write it. These past 4 years have been filled with so much ups & downs & I've never seen a family go through more. For me it's been the hardest 5 years. Almost 5 years ago I was in a car accident that I don't know how I survived. But I did & I started to live my life differently after that. I was physically ok after the accident I definitely still have some anxiety from time to time. 95% of the time I am OK but 5% I get anxiety/panic attacks & it's the worst thing ever. I usually get them after watching the news{Natural disasters, mass killings, & all the other sad stuff}. Most of the time I'm ok & push through the anxiety & the fear I got after my accident. I never had anxiety until the accident. I guess when you see your life flash before your eyes you're bound to get some anxiety or post traumatic stress. Pretending you're ok when you're not is so hard to do. But these last 4 years it's what I've done. I just never wanted to add to anyone's stress or heartache. But it's time that I FINALLY let them know what I've been going through & what I've been essential hiding. In May 2010, I felt something on the side of my left neck that felt like a lump. My first thought was it was what my sister had. She had a branchial cleft cyst removed in 2009 from her neck. The thought of it being that made the vein part of me not want to find out if it's that because I don't want a scar. How stupid was I. I think scars are battle wounds with beautiful stories. Stories filled with strength & courage. Then my mind went but what if it's cancer. Cancer runs in my family & I lost too many people with it & that in itself scared me more than anything. A month later in June 2010 my cousin Jill lost her courageous battle with cancer & it scared me even more to find out what this thing was on my neck. I should have said something & not been so afraid of what it was. Life continued to be filled with so much ups & downs for my family until like 2012. I still couldn't find the right time to tell them what was going on. Plus my mom kept on putting off her back fusion surgery & I knew if something was wrong with me she would postpone it. So I watched her go through a tough recovery & figured as soon as she was healed I would say something. But of course something else came up, she got really bad kidney stones. Then my moms cousin was near death & that definitely was not a good time to bring it up. Things would get better but then it would be someone's birthday or holiday & I couldn't ruin their day. I kept on putting my happiness aside so that those I loved had nothing but happiness & joy in their life. I told my self enough is ENOUGH, 2013 I need to come clean. But more shit came up & more health problems for my family. It was literally one thing after the next month by month. I had originally written this letter in July 2013 & had intended to share with my loved ones but something happened In July that stopped me from doing it. A lot of bad shit kept of happening & I almost felt like it was my fault, but I know that it wasn't. Things didn't start to get better until like October 2013 & yet again more it was holidays again. I didn't want to ruin anyone's Thanksgiving or Christmas. The last few years I have been at a hospital so many times I've lost track. I'm so sick of them but I loved being a support system to my loved ones. Just like I'd hope they'd be there for me. 2014 came along & I tried to get things off my mind but yet more sadness happened. In January we lost our oldest dog unexpectedly & it broke my heart & I miss him everyday. Then in February found out my mom needed neck surgery. I was like when is all this shit going to stop. I couldn't say anything until her surgery because I knew she'd postpone it. I couldn't let that happen because she had no spinal fluid & could go paralyzed if she didn't get it done. Her surgery got postponed over & over again because her doctor left. So it wasn't going to happen until April 14th. More waiting for me. On March 15th we were all getting ready to celebrate my moms aunts 80th birthday & we get a phone call saying my moms cousin passed away unexpectedly. It didn't surprise me though. I had a dream months prior that she passed away. She was in her chair & that's how her husband & son found her. I haven't told anyone this. I guess I was kinda scared because of how REAL the dream was & that it actually came true. My moms surgery finally came along & she's starting to heal almost 8 weeks later. This is the only time I can say this or I will continue to keep this to myself. If I don't do this now I might never do it. There's never going to be a good time to say something. They say there's no time like the present. I think I am more scared of telling my family then I am of finding out what this is. I don't want to put anyone through anymore stress or heartache. But keeping this to myself for 4 years has not been easy. I would have completely fallen apart without some amazing shows{One Tree Hill, Chicago Fire/PD}. OTH helped me for 2 & a half years & then when it ended I thought I was going to lose my mind but a new show chicago fire aired & it helped me tremendously & continues to do so. It's funny how shows can completely change your life. Baseball has been my rock & in the last four years the SF Giants have gone to the World Series twice & won. Seeing them play has been everything to me. I don't miss a game. Love my boys. Music has been the one thing that hasn't made me fall completely apart. Music has been my lifeline. Always has been & always will. There's some songs that have helped me in so many ways. Warrior by Demi Lovato is kind of the reason why I got my warrior tattoo as is OTH. That quote & song have helped me in so many ways. It's time for me to do the hardest thing I have ever done & face my fears & let people in on what's been going on. For the last 3 years I have had constant drainage in my throat every single day. It's so gross & I have to clear my throat all the time. For the past couple years I have had cold like symptoms for pretty much everyday. I sneeze all the time & my nose is either stuffed or congested, sore throat every other month or so, earaches & all this other stuff. One thing I noticed was I was getting this little nasty smelling things come up in my throat & I did some research & they're tonsil stones & they are so gross. They give you bad breath no matter how many times you brush your teeth. Never knew they existed but I definitely get them pretty often. I have never complained once. Nor will you ever hear me complain. It's just not me. I want to start feeling better & I want to get this off my chest. I don't want to go through this alone anymore. Whatever is wrong with me I am more than ready to face it head on. Me out of anyone in my family has the best mindset to get through ANYTHING. I am both mentally strong & physically strong. Which is a really good thing. I want my life back & want to go back to school & finally figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. These past 4 years have been hard but I believe everything happens for a reason & the choices you make are for a reason. I don't blame my family at all for being the reason I haven't said anything. It's been my decision not to say anything. I just can't do this anymore. The pretending that everything's ok when it's not. I've learned over the years that it's ok not to be ok & that everything will eventually be OK. So to my family I'm so sorry I haven't said anything & this is they only way I could say everything I needed to say. I have a way with words & I sure couldn't say any of this out loud. I'm still not sure how I'm going to share this with you because I am so scared to. But I know I have to. Please don't be mad at me & please try to be positive with all this because I cannot have any negativeness around me. I don't want to do this alone but I can't have people stressing me out or worrying me. I love you guys so much & sorry this took so long & I'm sorry for any heartache I'm about to to give you. I know in all my heart that everything's going to be ok. If not it will be. Believe it with me & help me through whatever this might be.

All my love,
Kristin

10 years ago a show aired and I was NEVER the same.

        I honestly Don't know where to start. It's really crazy to think that today is TEN years that OTH First Premiered on THE WB.  I remember that day so vividly and it's a day I will never forget. I was 14 when OTH first aired. I am definitely not that girl anymore. I'm glad OTH came into my life because it gave me hope, strength, and the ability to DREAM BIG and BELIEVE in my DREAMS and myself. Somehow the stories each week related to my life somehow and the songs would make any kind of sadness simply disappear. I felt like I wasn't watching a show, that I was watching regular, ordinary, everyday people going through life. Life is ugly, messy, tough, tragic, chaotic, hard & downright painful at times and it was always so nice to be reminded that even in those times that life could still be GOOD. It was nice to see people going through dark times and seeing them come out of it. Its safe to say that everyone goes through some kind of dark place in their life, and to have something help you through it is all anyone could ever hope for. I was lucky to have had OTH there when I truly NEEDED  it MOST. These past TEN years have been filled with so many ups and downs and for 9 of those years OTH was the only CONSTANT thing in my life that was ALWAYS THERE. I say 10 years because OTH is still a vital part of my life I might not watch it everyday like I used to or watch all the youtube videos over and over again, but its still a HUGE part of my life. It ALWAYS will be. People are not always there when you NEED them, but somehow a show will ALWAYS there whenever you need it to be. I friggen love that. Whether it was the music, the quotes, or the lessons I am so grateful for it ALL. All of those things have stuck with me. I swear OTH had the BEST music and quotes. It was the perfect combination of BOTH.

         I never got the chance to go to Wilmington and that hurts a LOT. It was something I dreamed of doing, but its something I still plan to do one day. I just want to see it in person and fall in love with the city that has had my heart for 10 years. Most people got the chance to meet the cast in Wilmy and for me to meet 11 of them on the West Coast is something I am forever grateful for. It should be 12, but I actually didn't meet Stephan. You see when I was a Sophomore in High School he was going to SF STATE and he was at the mall right there. He walked by me and my sister saw him and by the time she told me he was out of sight. So mad I wasn't paying attention. Came so close. This was during his laguna Days, and I LOVED that show. I was 15 when I got the chance to meet Sophia, Joy, Lee, and Tyler after the OTH Tour in SF. That is one of the greatest nights of my life. I got to see Gavin and the Wreckers Perform. Joy and Tyler sang and it was pure bliss. All those bands are incredible LIVE. I was mostly excited to meet Sophia. She was my FAVORITE actress and person(STILL IS) and she was so sweet. Sometimes that night feels like a dream....but it wasn't and I feel so GRATEFUL. A few years later they did that Macy's tour and James was going to be in SF. I had to go. I came hours after people where lined up and didn't have a wristband and was told I wasn't going to meet James. I told the people in charge do you know what show he's on? This show made me believe that ANYTHING was possible and to never ever give up. I didn't and 3 plus hours later I met JAMES LAFFERTY. He's even hotter in person. So if anyone ever tells you can't do something PROVE THEM WRONG. Never ever give up on a dream. In 2009 my local radio station was giving away passes to an intimate performance and meet and greet with Gavin and I was passes. Meeting him was so surreal. He's forever one of my favorite singers. I was so lucky to have met Sophia once, but FATE brought her back to SF in 2011. I was volunteering with The Nature Conservatory at the SF Marathon and she later stopped by and I got to cheer on the crowd with her. It was so nice to see her in her element. I wanted more than anything to tell her how much she influenced my life and how she's been my rock and kept me going. However I was selfless and let her do her thing. She was so amazing getting the crowd going and cheering them on. So very lucky to have experienced that day with her and to have met her for a second time. In december 2011 Chad had a book tour stop in SF and I was FIRST in line. I later went to get coffee and ended up being second, but it was all good. Chad knew who I was. At least my twitter handle :) I had him make a video for the fans and that day was just incredible. He was so humble and down to earth. In Jan 2012 I was fortunate enough to attend the team true beauty event in LA and got to meet Joy, Shantel, Sharon, India and Daphne. That event was so amazing to attend. Being so inspired and moved is an under statement.

            All I can say is I am truly grateful for all the opportunities this show has given me over the years. When the show first started I never dreamed I would ever get the chance to meet the people I watched and grew to love every week. I dreamed that I would and some of my DREAMS came true and sometimes it doesn't even seem REAL. I am also so lucky for all the PEOPLE its brought into my life. You guys mean the world to me and I am so lucky for you ALL. I never dreamed that a show could bring so many people TOGETHER. I knew OTH was special from the START. Did I think it would be one of those shows that has multiple seasons?? I CERTAINLY did. I knew it was going to be one of those shows that LASTED year after year. I wasn't scared each and every year when we were not sure it would come back. I knew it always would and believed it would. I just wish it made it to season 10, but it ended perfectly though. Well, almost perfectly. 10 years ago a show aired and I was NEVER the same. I'll never be the same either. Thank you ONE TREE HILL for always being there when I need it and thank you for SAVING ME. You were always saving me. I could have ended up a darker version of myself and I am so lucky that I didn't. One Tree Hill you have my heart ALWAYS & FOREVER.

Life is tricky but AMAZING: A look back & ahead :)

Hard to believe a new year is already upon us. 2012 Certainly had its ups & downs but was incredibly amazing. I started off last year traveling by myself for the very first time, it was totally scary but so very liberating. I met some of the greatest people ever who I will forever cherish. I met some of my favorite Actors (Bethany Joy Lenz,Shantel Vansanten, Daphne Zuniga, Ian somerhalder), singers(Train, Mat Kearney, Ellie Goulding) & SF Giants Players (Buster Posey, Tim Lincicum, Brandon Crawford & so many others). I got to be in a SF Giants commercial which was so cool to be apart of. I watched a taping of America's Got Talent. I went after jobs I really wanted, but didn't get. I celebrated all the holidays & birthdays with the people I love most. I watched my mom go through a really hard year (it WILL get BETTER). I got in an accident & was without my car for awhile. Saw my FAVORITE show come to a close after nine years. Got to see Demi Lovato Perform live(amazing Night). Got a new tattoo(a butterfly which symbolizes new beginnings & my free spiritedness). My Idol Britney spears followed me on Twitter. I participated in so many events for Lung Cancer & I donated so much money to all the other causes I am passionate About. I am probably forgetting a lot of things. All in all it was a pretty amazing year. I am eager for 2013 because I am ready to possibly say goodbye to my work. I think it's time for a change. I'm still trying to find a career path I want to Persue. There's so many things I love to do. I'm coming so close to finally figuring it all out. I may or may not have to get a degree to get the job of my dreams. We'll see. All I want to do is be doing a job I completely in love with. A job in which I am fully appreciated. I haven't felt that way in two plus years. I know I am going figure it all out. I am destined for greatness, it's in my bones.  I am readyTo   fnally live out my dreams. I hope 2013 brings so much love to everyone. Everyone deserves to feel happiness & be happy. Show love, light & kindness to everyone you come in contact with. Be the best version of yourself, everyday. Don't be afraid to live your life. Don't let the things that weaken you break you apart. Let the strength outshine all the messy. If 2012 or the last few years were not your year, just use the mindset that this year will be better. It might be worse, but with a POSITIVE minds you are already able to live a better life. The way you see things determine the outcome. See the good in as much as you can.  Yes it's a new year & a new begging & start but remember there's 365 days a year that you can begin again if you'd like.  If you're struggling with something let it go & don't do it alone. There's so many people out there that can help you. This coming year don't be hard on yourself, allow yourself to make mistakes. We're only human & we have flaws. Leave the bad behind & welcome the good. Welcome whatever is to come. It's bound to be amazing. You create your own novel & your own movie...so write it they way you choose so when you re watch it you see something you absolutely love. Remember to live life beautifully & enjoy each & every second. I love you all to pieces. Here's to your best year yet & here's to me finally allowing myself all I deserve. 

Hi, My name is Kristin Elizabeth Costello, and I am 22 from San Francisco, CA and I know I have what it takes to WIN BIG BROTHER 14. 

Here’s my story. On June 24th 2010 I lost my 22 year old Cousin Jill Costello 

Jill Costello <3 My Angel

 (our dads are cousins) to stage 4 lung cancer. She has been my greatest inspiration in every single little thing that I do. We didn’t really know each other all that well except for random family events when we were younger. It breaks my heart knowing I missed out on having an amazing person in my life. Losing her made me appreciate all the little things in my life. All the simple, ordinary moments in my life started to mean so much more. When I found out she was sick I started following her journey on Caringbridge.com (a website that allows people with illnesses to write about their journey and what they're going through). All the words she wrote were always so inspiring, by reading her words you would never guess she was sick. She never let anyone know she was in pain or didn’t feel good, it was always about everyone else. She was always this pure ray of light and sunshine!!! She was always so UPBEAT and POSITIVE. That’s the type of person Jill was. I loved being able to read Jill's Caring Bridge posts & being able to be there the only way I knew how. I would write her all the time with words of encouragement & what not. She appreciated all the things I wrote her & I love that & that will always stick with me. So glad I could be there for her that way. Her journal posts were the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read in my entire life. It was always Jill's words that stuck with me & inspired me, EVERYDAY. These are a few of her quotes that stick with me EVERY single day...."Life is all about how we handle the challenges we are given."~Jill Costello & "Once you know what you believe in, your faith will be unbreakable.~ Jillian Costello. Those two quotes get me through even the roughest of days. Through all the rough patches Jill still stayed in school at CAL Berkley (she got to graduate with honors in May)  and continued to row as a coxswain on the rowing team and lead her team to Pac 10 championships. While sick she put together a Jog in her honor in Berkley and raised over $49,000. She gave an amazing fight up until her last days. While Jill was sick we always wanted to go see her, and it was always the next week, and the next week and so on. When we finally decided to, we found out that she had gotten worse and that she wasn’t going to make it. I was devastated, I think what hurt the most was the time we wasted not going to see her. I wish I could have been there for her, and given her a hug, and just feel her beautiful embrace in my arms. I know she knows I was there for her. I wrote to her all the time, I know she knew I was there for her and for that I am so very grateful.  Four days before she passed away she put together a plan to make the walk in SF in september to be that much bigger. Her plan was to get the word out “BIG TIME”. And I can tell you that September 12th 2010,  over five thousand people came together and raised over $300,000 in her honor.  Her spirit was contagious and her smile was completely beautiful just like she was. I made a vow to her to do my everything to help make her dream of  “BEATING LUNG CANCER” come true. She didn’t want to beat it for her, but for everyone else. I will NOT stop until that day comes. I want to help end Lung cancer for everyone just like Jill did. I want to end the NASTY stigma that Lung Cancer is a smoker's Disease & that it's an old man's disease. JILL was neither of those. It blows my mind how the DEADLIEST cancer is the least funded & the least talked about!! I want to be on the show to spread AWARENESS & spread the word BIG TIME. And help get Lung Cancer the much deserved attention!!! I wear a bracelet from her funeral and it has not left my wrist at all. It’s a reminder that life is short and that there is still hope in this sometimes messy world. I try to Live just like JiLL (LJLJ). An amazing  article was written about her in Sport’s Illustrated by Chris Ballard. It’s a must read for sure. (Nov 29th, 2010 issue with michael Vick...courage of Jill costello) She’s more than my hero she’s the reason I do everything that I do. She set out to change the world and boy is she doing it. A group of young professionals came together and created Jill’s Legacy. A group in honor of Jill, that includes people that knew Jill, or had lung cancer themselves, or lost someone to it. Their main focus was to continue where Jill left off, and continue the beautiful legacy she left.

Growing up I was always dreamed of making it big. I love Hollywood and LA. I would love to be famous for good & for a PURPOSE. If becoming “famous” allows me to do good for others than thats all I would want. I would love to spread Jill’s message and I think Hollywood would be the perfect platform. I would never change being the person I am, being famous could never change me. It would just allow me to do all the great things I want to do, and I can see all the amazing people I would be able to help.

I’ve been watching Big Brother since 2000 (I was 9) when it first began and I’ve always wanted to be on the show. Me and my mom and grandmother have watched it every single summer. If we’d go out on a BB night we would be like “we gotta get home big brother is on”. For the last 13 summers every tues, thurs, and sunday belonged to CBS. I’m a fun loving girl who loves to have fun who would love to show the world what she’s got. My 23nd Birthday would take place while in the house and I would LOVE that more than anything. How cool would that be; to spend your birthday in a house trying to win money. Sounds like a perfect birthday to me. I’d get to celebrate my birthday doing something I loved and have millions watching. I’m supposed to go to LA for my birthday, which I am really looking forward to, but I would give it up in order to DO THIS. I would be giving up a lot actually, I would be giving up a chance of meeting Ian Somerholder(have tickets to the Vampire Diaries convention) who would be coming to San Francisco while I was in the house, I would also miss Demi Lovato’s concert in which I recently won tickets to go to. That girl’s music is so healing and she inspires me so very much, her and britney spears are my music idols. I’d also miss my chance of possibly running my first half marathon or 5k in the SF Marathon which I was really looking forward to. I’d possibily miss Seeing my Idol Sophia Bush tape her show Parener’s which is on CBS, which recently got picked up (was planning to see a taping over the summer) and I’d miss my parents 30th wedding anniversary...but I would sadly sacrafice all those things in order to help so MANY people!!!! I would give up things that would make me HAPPY, to see other people happy!!! I’m a california girl who loves LA, and would love for a chance to be on the show. A lot of people want the money for selfish reasons and in all honestly I want the money for good. I want to be the FIRST person to be on Big Brother for a PURPOSE, and for completely SELFLESS reasons. 

Chad Michael Murray tweeted about my birthday project for Jill last year!!! Best Birthday ever <3

Me and Sophia at last year's SF Marathon <3

The gorgeous Shantel VanSanten at the TTB EVENT so incredible sweet <3

Me and Bethany Joy Lenz at the Team True Beauty Event

I don’t want the $$$$ for me, but for OTHER people. A majority of the money will go directly to the Bonnie J Addario Lung Cancer Foundation. Like I said I lost my 22 year old cousin to stage 4 lung cancer, and I vowed to help make her wish of ending lung cancer come true. And winning the money will help me get lung cancer on the map of finding a cure. I also want to help my parents out. They have been amazing parents and have done EVERYTHING for me and my sister, and I would love to help them out and pay off some of their bills. I want to let them enjoy their lives, and not have to worry about paying bills and what not. My moms been through a lot of ups and downs in her life and she’s been an amazing mother & all she’s ever wanted is a louie Vuiton Purse, so that’s like one thing I would have to get her. She deserves it sooooooooo much. I’d love to get my dad behind home plate seats to a San Francisco Giants game...or courtside Warrior’s tickets or San Francisco Niner’s tickets. He would absolutely love that. I would love to have my parents be able to pay off some bills and be able to enjoy their life, because they’ve given up EVERYTHING to make sure me and my sister had an amazing upbringing. I am so completely and utterly grateful for the way they’re raised us. My mom is the person I thank most, so grateful for the values she’s instilled in us. When my mom was 18 she was supposed to go on a trip to Italy with her Grandmother, but sadly her grandmother passed away right before they were supposed to go. Needless to say she nor my grandmother or my grandmother’s sister have ever been to Italy. I would love to take my Italian side of the family to Italy. Last year we were all together and my grandmother said she would love to go to Italy, but she said she didn’t think she’d ever get to see that day. Please let me give this to her and the rest of my family. I also want to take my dad’s side of the family somewhere like Hawaii or something. They’ve all been through hell and back these last few years and I just want to show both sides of my family, that although life can be messy and tricky....it can be really BEAUTIFUL. I lost quite a few people to cancer so its a no brainer that a large amount of my money will go to Fuck Cancer. An organzation dedicated to stop cancer before it occurs. 90% of ALL cancers are curable if caught in the first stage, and their mission is to teach people the warning signs and ultimately give them all the tools they need. I’m also in love with Make a wish foundation (a friend of mine actually got her wish granted before she passed away) so money will go to there as well. 

My nonni (grandmother) mom and my grandmother's sister <3

Elpida <3

My Parents <3

One of Jill's Quotes

My friend was just 12 years old when she was diagnosed with cancer. She passed away at the age of 15, she was so happy to get her wish granted. So make a wish will FOREVER be special to me. Another cause I love is the National MS Society. Last year, a friend of mine I went to High School with was diagnosed with MS. She was 22 at the time. It broke my heart, and I had never known someone with the disease and someone my age. Her outlook on it is so very positive and inspires me so very much. I would love to be able to win money and donate a portion to the society in honor of my friend Elpida, who’s name means HOPE...so fitting since she’s filled with it. The last cause that is near and dear to my heart is Team True Beauty.  Team True Beauty was created to promote postive body image and self esteem to everyone. It started after a group of girls where being harrassed on twitter, and they came together to put a stop to it. They asked their favorite celebs to be a part of it and it has grown into a movement. I believe EVERYONE is beautiful, and I love EVERYTHING this organization stands for. I got to meet so many amazing people because of this cause so without a doubt, some of the money would go to them. I’m a pretty selfless person, and I really don’t want this money for me but for my family and to help pay it forward. NONE of this money will go directly to me. It will go to the causes I love, my family, and to help random strangers along the way...I am ALL about PAYING IT FORWARD. Two years ago I was in what should have been a fatal car crash. I was driving to meet up with some friends on a pretty dark tree filled road when out of nowwhere a 100ft Euculytus Tree came crashing down on the whole front of my car. I saw it coming down , thinking no it can’t be and without hesitating  I put my foot on the brakes. Everything came to a dark complete stop. I thought wow this is it, I’m gone, and then I opened my eyes and thanked god I was still in my car. My windshield was completely smashed, and the tree totaled my car. Numerous cars where maybe a good five minutes behind me which was a blessing because if cars were behind me directly or in the the other lane of traffic it could have been all bad. Needless to say my door was hard to open so two good smaritians opened my door and got me out of that nasty mess. I walked away with tiny cut on my forehead and a badly bruised collarbone and chest from the airbag. I know for a fact I had a guardian angel watching me that day. And that’s why I am so thankful each and every single day I am given. And that’s why I WANT THIS money and chance in order to PAY IT FORWARD. I was given another chance, and I  know its to help make a difference. Please let me show you I have what it takes. I want to be the first person on BIG BROTHER for a PURPOSE and for a reason!!!!!! I am here, because I’m supposed to be here!!!!! I am a free spirit, with so much heart and so much dedication and FIGHT and will. Last year I sang Britney Spears songs for 3 hours in order to win VIP passes to her San Francisco GMA performance. I’m also a avid concert goer and have stood and waited in lines for hours so any competion that included staying on something for hours...I could totally do it. I’m feisty and can be a little ballsy and bitchy, but my intentions are good.....there is NOTHING I will not do in order to win this $$$$. I fight for the people I love, the things I love, and winning this money and being on this show would be my greatest accomplishment to date. Esspecially since I have a lot hanging on the line. I also want to be on the show to finally show my family what I’m capable of.

My sister, mom, me and my nonni Mother's Day 2012

 I know the disappointment they have, I can see it in their faces. I want them to be proud of me, and being on the show would allow them to see me living out my dreams and making something of myself. I want my family to watch me live out my dreams, and to see me making a difference. I am 5 years out of High school with no college degree or big dream job. I took a year off, then went back for a year and I never went back. Still trying to figure all that stuff out. I want to do a job I love more than anything, and I want to achieve true greatness!!! I’ve seen people struggle with jobs after college, I think college matters, but sometimes its more of the right opportunities that unfold in front of you. No matter what I do in life, I will achieve greatness and find succes......I have that state of mind!! Real success happens naturally and is sometimes just being in the right place, at the right time. I am so ready to do something I am proud of, and something my family will be proud of too!!! I know I CAN do this and with your help I can. Most  of the people that have been on BIG BROTHER have always wanted to be on for fame, the money and mostly themselves...I am different. I am playing completely for other people. I am playing for the Jill’s in the world, The Kristina’s, The Elpida’s and all the lost souls struggling through everyday life. So many lives will be changed when I’m on the show...its bound to happen...I will not stop until it does.

ALL MY LOVE,

KRISTIN ELIZABETH COSTELLO

remember to live life beautifully, EVERYDAY <3

P.S

All the stars from my favorite tv show (One Tree Hill) have inspired me to write this!!!

This is me & I AM WHO I AM NO EXCUSES. I have a heart of gold, & love helping others. I believe in spreading POSITIVE vibes & ALWAYS seeing the GOOD in things. Life is too short to be unhappy. SO I believe you should live your BEST life ever. Don't look back just look forward. Be the BEST version of yourself & LOVE yourself for who you are. I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, ok.

Love letter to OTH: THANK YOU

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN <3

The AMAZING ending cast <3

I really don’t know where to begin, today marks the end of something that’s been the BEST part of my life. The thing is this show will ALWAYS be a part of my life. Wherever I go next, whatever I do...It will continue to guide me and INSPIRE ME. Nine years ago I was a middle schooler, who was about to graduate. All of my BEST friends were either moving or going to other high schools, I was devastated. In a few months I was going to start high school all by myself. I knew people going to my high school, but they were not my BEST friends. It wasn’t the same, and I dreaded having to go. I had never felt so alone in my life. I prayed for some kind of sign that EVERYTHING would be ok. I got it a week or so into my first week of high school. It was a brand new show airing on The WB about two HOT half brothers who played basketball. It was the perfect combination. I instantly drew to Haley and Lucas because it reminded me of me and my best guy friend. In that very episode and that very night I knew I was going to be ok. I knew this show was going to get me through all the rough times and it was going to be a very important part in my life. I knew that night that this show was something special, and I knew it was going to shape my life. I got that vibe, and boy has it changed my life. After the show started I started making new friends and reconnecting with old ones, everything turned out to be just fine. The first episode was what got my attention, but it was not until the following week on September 30th, 2003 that I was completely captivated by it. You see we got introduced to another character, Brooke Davis. She was the one I KNEW I loved right from the start. She reminded me of me and I loved that. Brooke taught me so many wonderful things over the years, and I’ve loved every storyline she’s had. This entire show has taught me so many wonderful things. Its taught me how to love, believe, dream, fight, and ultimately LIVE. 

      These last nine years were not easy. I went through a lot of stuff, some good, bad, tragic and some completely amazing. I got through EVERYTHING because of this show. In high school I lost 3 friends, two in car accidents and one to cancer. They were all my age or around my age. It was the first time I had lost people close to my age, and It was so hard. I didn’t talk about it, because I didn’t know how. With the help of the show, I was able to deal with those tragedies and cope. One Tree Hill was the only thing that got me through that. It got me through every heartache, loss loves, loss friendships, boy drama, friend drama, bitter fights with friends, and all the MESSY stuff. It got me through and kept me going forward. I got to attend the One Tree Hill tour my sophomore year and it was amazing. I got to see Joy, tyler, the wreckers and gavin DeGraw perform. It was amazing. I also got to meet Tyler, Joy, Sophia and Lee. It was probably one of my best nights yet!!! Best memory from my high school days.

 I continued being inspired from the show the next few years and it taught me so much. I graduated high school the same week the cast did on the show, and It was kind of nice being able to do that with them. In a way they helped me get through high school and graduating together was perfect. I learned so much during the high school years on oth. I don’t remember much that I learned in high school, but boy do I remember the stuff I learned from watching oth. All of the quotes, and music always came at the perfect time. Its like Mark knew exactly what I needed to hear at the right time. His writing was impectable and so detailed in the sense that you really felt like you knew each and every cast member. I totally feel as though these characters, are real. Not in a delusional way, but in a way that their hurt, pain, joy, and happiness is all REAL. I feel like I went through all the same stuff they did with them. People tend to say this is just a show, and you shouldn’t be so attatched to something that is just a tv show. That there’s real life problems going on. Yes this is a show, but its so much more than that. Just ask the millions of fans all over the WORLD. This show got me through all my real life problems. 

    The biggest thing it got me through was my accident that happened 2 years ago. That was something that literally almost broke me as a person. I was driving on a still, quiet night on a tree filled road when out of no where a 100ft tree started coming down in front of me. I was thinking this cannot be happening. It didn’t seem real, but I’m a fast reactor so I put on my brakes anyways and in a matter of seconds EVERYTHING came to a complete stop. Everything went black, I thought that was it. I thought my life was over. To my suprise I opened my eyes and I was ALIVE. Not sure why or how, but I was. I must of stopped just in time. A few inches closer and I probably would not be talking to you today. I was trapped in my car which was totaled but other then a badly bruised collarbone and scratch I was ok. I didn’t know why I was saved that night, I was so confused and felt so lost. I felt the same kind of lost I felt before I started high school. I hated that feeling. Here I was alive, and should have been grateful. Instead I was questioning it, and wondering why I was SAVED. A few days later, still feeling unsure and confused I asked for a sign of some sort. I got it later that night, a new episode of oth was one and it clicked. I was meant for more and I was meant to be here. If I wasn’t here I wouldn’t be able to learn all the many more lessons oth had for me. OTH made me strong, and made me realize I matter and I’m MEANT TO BE HERE. From that night forward, I decided to live my life differently and I did. I decided I was going to only see the good, and spread kindness and hope to those I come into contact with. I decided I was going to live my life beautifully and pay it forward as much as I could. I’ve done nothing but that these last couple years. I certainly am a more stronger person, because of my accident. I would of not been able to get through my accident or any of the hardtimes in these last 9 years without OTH. 

   OTH has been my rock and the one thing I could always turn to. Whenever I was having a bad day I could turn to OTH and it would instantly make everything better. The same goes for music. Music and OTH are my main TWO LOVES OF MY LIFE. And I am so thankful OTH has given me some of the best songs to live by. Its given me the best playlists anyone could ever dream of having. The music has always had a purpose and a reason, and always fit perfectly. I can hear a oth song and instantly see the scene or episode its from...that’s pretty awesome. Another thing that has been pretty awesome is the people i’ve meet because of it. I’ve gotten to meet some of the castmates, but most importantly I got to meet some pretty amazing people from the oth family. These people are so very special to me, without them I would not be able to get through this show ending. I created this twitter account last may when the show was dealing with the possibilty of the rivercourt being torn down. I couldn’t imagine that happening on or off the show so I made RivercourtSML. It stands for Rivercourt saved my life. The rivercourt is the heart of the entire show and its saved so many people including me, so it felt right. I wanted an account to talk about the show, and just spread nothing but inspiring words and thoughts. I started with just 40 followers, and I wasn’t sure where it was going to go. I’m currently at 2,517 I must be doing something right. I created this account to connect with other fans and just try to spread hope. I think what I’ve enjoyed most is the tweets from people saying thank you and that i’ve inspired them or helped them through something difficult. Those mean the world to me. So if my tweets have helped you I am so incredibly happy and blessed for doing so. I’ve been told I’m a lot like Sophia and Shantel and that literally means the world. I hope to be half the woman they are one day. I still have a long way to go. I’m doing my best to be like them, because those ladies are my biggest inspirations everyday. 

Sophia is my idol, has been since I was 14 and that fact that I’ve met her twice still blows my mind. She is the one person who truly made my life what it is today, her and Brooke are my EVERYTHING. I am a ballsy strong minded girl because of Brooke and that is something I am FOREVER grateful for. I also got to meet Shantel this past January along with Joy again, and India, Daphne, and Sharon. Those ladies were all incredbibly sweet and kind!!! Love them all to pieces. Getting two hugs from Shantel is something I will never forget. She gives the best hugs, ever!!! I also got to meet James back in january 2008, and Gavin back in 2009, such nice guys!!! But the nicest most humble guy I met was Chad. I met him back in December and he was everything I dreamed of. I fell in love with him at ten, and Have been a fan ever since. He knew who I was when I met him, and for that day I am truly forever grateful. I am grateful and blessed for all the cast members i’ve gotten to meet. I know so many people dream of this and to have done it myself, I know how lucky I am. None of my encounters happened in Wilmington though. They all happened in San Francisco except one that happeded in LA. Sadly I never made it to Wilmington. That breaks my heart, that I’ve never gotten to experience tree hill that way. But I can’t be upset over the things I didn’t do, that would only hold me back. So if you’ve never met the cast or have never been to wilmington, don’t let it define you as a person. It doesn’t make you more of a fan if you’ve had those experiences. We are all the BIGGEST fans of OTH. No single person is a bigger fan, we all LOVE this show, and that’s all that matters. I am so grateul for everything OTH has done for me these last 9 beautiful years. 

    The person I am so thankful for is MARK SCHWAHN. Because of him I’ve met so many people I love, and believed that my dreams are possible because they are. I learned that true love exisists and that when your heart breaks you need to fight like hell!!!!! I haven’t met all the cast members, but I have met Quite a few, and I am so grateful. One day I’ll meet Mark, Austin, Rob, Jana, Hilarie, Lisa, Stephen (for real, walking by and missing it doesn’t count), and others and my oth life will be complete. One day those will happen, I know it will. For now my heart is feeling slightly empty but mostly FULL!!! I’ve cried off and on for the last few weeks, but at this very moment I’m OK. OTH has made me strong, and has made me WHOLE. My life is better because OTH was in it. Surely I am going to cry like a babyyyy watching the finale tonight, but I can assure you they will be tears of strength and pure utter joy. I cannot be sad, when this show has left me a better person and has made me, me. I am going to miss the characters, the stories, Naley, Clinn, the music, the quotes, BRUCAS, the amazing voiceovers, Brooke Davis, the CODAS, Leyton, the bridge, danny boy the rivercourt, uncle keith, Brulian, Karen’s cafe....I am going to miss it all so VERY much. All of it is going to live on forever in my heart and it is going to guide me, and inspire me. I am a better person because OTH was in my life. Now as tears start to run down my pretty face, I am ready to say goodnight to OTH tonight...its only goodnight not goodbye, because in the morning it will still be in my life. There may not be new episodes, but the episodes we’ve had will live on forever, through our hearts and our dvd players. 

      To all the cast and crew, To the beautiful city of Wilmington and especially MARK, thank you from the bottom of my heart!! And to the OTH FAMILY I LOVE SO DEARLY WE’RE GOING TO BE OK, OTH TAUGHT US THAT. This is not the end but it is the start of “what’s next”!!! We are all better people, because oth has been a part of our world. OTH has been the BEST part of these last nine years, nine years I am so grateful for. Nine years I would not trade for anything!!!! Simply just hours now until, the last episode airs. Surely I don’t want this to end, but it has too, and I know tonigh’ts episode is bound to make everthing come to a full complete circle. Mark is a genius and has made magic happen!!! Cannot wait to continue supporting the cast and Mark in all that they do next!! We are all together, connected for life, and we are all FAMILY!!! Thank you ONE TREE HILL for EVERYTHING...I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING!!

ALL MY LOVE,

XOXO KRISTIN ELIZABETH

@RivercourtSML